Break the Taboo Malta
Story 7 – 02.11.2018
“I was 18 going on 19. I went abroad to visit a friend, and as one does whilst on holiday abroad for the first time ever, on their own nonetheless, there was a fair amount of hanging out at pubs and bars and clubs.
One evening we slept over at another friend’s place which was close to our usual hangout. I don’t remember what happened that night. I could only assume that one of the guys didn’t take into account the fact that I could not consent to anything on account of being drunk.
Upon returning back from holiday, I discovered I was pregnant. At 18, I had no job and still lived at my parents’ house. I spoke to a close friend of mine in Greece and told him of my predicament. He offered to help.
Before making any decisions, I managed to contact the guy responsible for this and told him I was considering an abortion. His reply was that he wished his ex would’ve done that. I later found out he had other children with his ex, and that he was an alcoholic who eventually passed away from the drinking.
So, knowing that I’d get kicked out of my family’s home and would get no help whatsoever from the would-be father, I accepted my Greek friend’s help.
I flew out there, and he sorted out a doctor’s appointment. I have no idea what was said between him and the doc since I don’t understand the language. A couple of days later, my friend took me to the hospital. I had a sedated surgical procedure. When I woke up I felt a huge void inside me. Something was missing, and it broke my heart. I couldn’t stop crying. My friend showed up with chocolates and flowers. It took a while to return to some degree of normality.
This happened around 15 years ago, and I now have a child. Her biological father isn’t in the picture out of his choice, however this time round I was financially stable, had my own place and knew I could provide my child with a good life. My partner has been in our lives since before my child was born (as friends at the time, and later as my partner) and we couldn’t wish for a better parent for my child.
Whilst I’m am obviously pro-choice, I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. That emptiness is haunting. To this day I wonder whether my unborn would have been a boy or a girl, what they would have been like, and what the dynamic between my child and them would have been like. I don’t regret it, it is something that has enabled me to provide my child with a good life. If circumstances were different, I would not have gone ahead with the abortion. It was what it was.”