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  • Writer's pictureBreak the Taboo Malta

Story 54 - 20.06.2021

“I was raped after my drink was spiked at a party and I was left unconscious. I was wearing jeans and a fleece jacket – so when people start saying that girls who are raped 'were asking for it' – I really don't get it. I didn't do anything to ask for this to happen!

Up to this point, I had always considered myself to be against abortion. However, after I had realised what had happened that night, and that I may end up being pregnant, all I could think about was that I do not want to have the baby of a person who had done this to me. The baby would look like him, it would be a constant reminder of what had happened, it would ruin my life and all the plans I had for my future. I couldn't possibly love this child – there was no way I was going to end up having a baby – I was also considering suicide as an alternative to abortion (as I wasn't sure how I could get one), if I ended up being pregnant. I couldn't take the morning after pill, as this was during the time where the morning after pill was still being discussed in Malta. And even if it were available at the time, if ovulation had already happened, the MAP would do nothing.

People often suggest adoption – however, what they don't understand is that even though you don't end up with a baby in the end, you still have to be pregnant for those 9 months. People will know you're pregnant, they will ask you who the father is and how it happened. A wound will open up each time. Not to mention that for those 9 months your life will completely change.

Up to the day that I could do a pregnancy test and reassure myself that I was not pregnant, all I did was research how I could end this possible pregnancy with the least amount of hassle possible. I was considering all options, safe or unsafe, as long as I would end this possible pregnancy. I wished that I was from another country, where I could safely get an abortion if I ended up needing one.

Thankfully, I did not end up being pregnant, so I did not need to get an abortion. However, the scars and consequences of what happened to me are something I carry with me every day.

So basically, my message is – When you're sitting on your high horse, as I was before this experience, it is easy to say that you are totally against abortion. That people should choose adoption instead. But it is only when you experience things first hand that you start to understand that sometimes, in a woman's mind, abortion is the only option. And we are no one to judge. Therefore, no man and no law should decide the future of a woman, but only she, herself should.”


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