“I had an abortion. I wasn’t raped, I’m not poor and it wasn’t a one night stand. But I accidentally got pregnant exactly a year before we were meant to be getting married. Also, and more importantly, a couple of months after me coming out of a bout of depression. I was finally feeling confident and happy and I couldn’t imagine the huge change that is needed to look after a baby properly. My boyfriend was also about to start a new course and we both decided that it would be best, both for our relationship (which had been rocky due to my depression) and the future of the child. We wouldn’t have been able to provide for it as we had hoped.
I was heartbroken. I prayed I’d miscarry and wouldn’t have to go through with an abortion. But then we found help and ordered the pills online and we decided to take them. It was so so hard, I felt so guilty and still feel guilty now. I feel terrible when I hear people can’t have kids. I was terrified to go to my gynae and that she finds out I had an abortion. We didn’t tell anyone, not a soul. My boyfriend doesn’t understand that I still feel guilt, even though I know in the long run it was the right decision.
At a point I felt really bad and wanted to talk to my therapist about it and even felt embarrassed and ashamed to tell her. I’m not saying what I did was right, but I think I did it with the right intentions. I believe that I needed support and still do. I’m a strong woman most of the time and I believe lots of women need help. Lots of women need that taboo to be broken and choose what’s right for their body.”